quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
