Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
