What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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