You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
