none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
