Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize