Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
