Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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