did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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