Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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