So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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