at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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