On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
