I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
