I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
