he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
