your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
