I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
