If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
