Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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