I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In other news, I just burned my penis
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
