i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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