I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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