How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
