I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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