hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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