In the future we'll all be gay
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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