then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
