he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
