You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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