Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize