the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Actions speak louder than pants.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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