Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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