why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
