I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize