I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My penis needs a shock collar
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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