Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
