i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize