He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
