Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
