I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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