Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us

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(618): View more from Illinois

apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.

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(406): View more from Montana

You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend

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(301): View more from Maryland

Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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(330): View more from Ohio

He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed

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(765): View more from Indiana

He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...

(1-775): View more from Nevada

That's what friends are foooooooor!

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(314): View more from Missouri

Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE

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