Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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