too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
