And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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