Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
