Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
