Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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