you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
