Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
