Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
