How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
