I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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