i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
