someone owes me an orgasm
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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