Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
