we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
