screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
