Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
