I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
