Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
